just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
