Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
