Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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