Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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