so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
