why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
