I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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