Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
