well most of my day revolves around power hour
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
