If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
