he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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