So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
