I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
