My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
not ubering you a puppy
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
