the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
