Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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