party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
