Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
