I will die if light touches me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
