Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
