I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
