doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
