She's JV to your varsity
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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