Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
