oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
