Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
