Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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