The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
