Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
