I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
