My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
