I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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