just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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