The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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