Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize