Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
