I just pynch a tree in the face
where am i from again
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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