my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
