i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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