I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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