Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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