She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
