This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
