Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
