After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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