Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
