Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just tell him i said nine months
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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