I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
