the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am naked and annoyed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
