Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
