Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
