you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drake has all the answers
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
