There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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