My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They have beer where we have blood.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
